even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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