Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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