She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
