you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
