it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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