She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
