I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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