i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
