I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
