thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
