just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you will always have a special place in my vag
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
