Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Randomize
