awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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