Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
