I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
