Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
PANTIES FOUND
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