it was like eating out sand paper
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
