are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
