did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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