What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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