i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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