I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
