I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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