Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Text me some of your sweat
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
