oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
