Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
