When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
