help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
