I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
