dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
