no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
