i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
