Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
