Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
