haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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