Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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