What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
