WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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