So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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