So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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