But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I believe in your delicious
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
