need another drink. this is the easiest way
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
