Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
