cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
