im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
