I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
