he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
