I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
