I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
