James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
