Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
