the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
