My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
