singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
