she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Even my vagina gasped.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
